


Sometimes Revenge Is Best Not Served At All

by hips_of_steel



Series: Sea Shanties and Drinking Songs [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, a sequel to Sea Shanties And Sober Siblings Don't Mix, alasdair and alice are still full of sexual tension they haven't acted on, also arthur is terrible at plotting revenge and needs to stop waking his brothers up so early, and now an update on the situation:, and oz is still the ScotWales lovechild, and scarlet's middle name should be startshit at this point, read that one first it makes the jokes here funnier and the tags too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hips_of_steel/pseuds/hips_of_steel
Summary: The brothers of the British Isles and one of their sisters don't exactly like that their sisters have blackmail material and plan to use it without them having some kind of leverage in return. So they hatch a plot for revenge.However, sometimes it turns out that you should really know your family better, and that your saviors can turn traitors very quick.The brothers are about to learn far more than they ever wanted too about what a girl's night out is like when it comes to their four sisters, an absurd amount of alcohol, and drinking songs.Sequel to Sea Shanties And Sober Siblings Don't Mix. I recommend reading that before reading this to get the full experience.





	Sometimes Revenge Is Best Not Served At All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TsunaKV](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsunaKV/gifts).



> I'm gifting this fic to TsunaKV, who beta read it after reading Sea Shanties And Sober Siblings Don't Mix and finally asked "WHERE ARE YOU FINDING ALL THESE SONGS?" to which I got to respond "My sister."  
> Thanks for putting up with all my bullshit, Bread.
> 
> Links to the versions of the shanties. I recommend listening while reading to get the full experience.  
> Little Sailor Put On Your Pants-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAhBzB3hap4  
> The Swallow-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07lHgbDj-cM  
> Roll Me Over in the Clover-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDkRG-axoZg  
> The Scotsman-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLCB88K21pc  
> Motion of the Ocean-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlZEaS6j53Y
> 
> A note on names:  
> Ireland-Siobhan  
> Nyo! Ireland-Patrick (Yes, in my world he's the Nyo.)  
> Wales-Owen  
> Nyo! Wales-Elaine  
> Scotland-Alasdair  
> Nyo! Scotland-Scarlet  
> England-Arthur  
> Nyo! England-Alice  
> Northern Ireland-Brendan  
> Nyo! Northern Ireland-Bridget

The door opened and shut, and Patrick gazed through tired eyes at his brothers. "So why have we gathered here at three AM? And why was it so bloody important?"

Arthur was already fiddling with a piece of paper while Alasdair spoke. "It's simple. Revenge."

"For what?" Patrick asked, taking his seat.

"The little video the girls put together, apparently." Owen muttered, looking like he was about to pass out on the table. "Something Art wants us to do."

"Then count me out." Patrick said, starting to stand back up to head back to bed.

Arthur looked up. "Please Patrick! I don't like having the threat of Antonio's battle ax coming through my door without having some way to even the playing fields!"

"Would you be surprised to find out that I don't care?"

Alasdair spoke again. "Pat, you and Antonio get along alright, but consider this a chance to play a prank on Alice."

There's a pause, and the three younger brothers look at Ireland, who seems to be using all the mental power he can summon at three AM in order to make this important decision. What will be better in the long run? Leaving Arthur to his fate, or pranking Alice?

"Owen, why are you doing this shit?" He finally asks.

"Honestly, I just want to see what would happen if Elaine got really drunk, which is apparently part of the plan?" Owen responds, slumping over. "My saintly twin's got to be hiding something. Also, I wanted Arthur to stop slamming his fist into my bedroom door until I got up and answered him."

"Good reasons. Alright, I'm in. Siobhan can outdrink everyone in this room, so it's not like I'm gonna get blackmail on her out of this." Patrick said, sitting back down.

Arthur grinned. "Thanks, Pat-"

"Let's get this clear now. Your involvement in leading this prank in inconsequential to me. I'm doing this to watch Alice suffer." Patrick says. "Alright. Plan."

Arthur stood up, as though his brilliant plan deserved to be treated like schematics for a glorious battle. "We get them to go out drinking with one of us. Do the normal activities, you know, and then, once they're drunk, we trick them into singing some bawdy songs of their own. Secretly film it, and viola! We have our own blackmail material!" Arthur says.

There's silence.

"One problem, oh idiot baby brother." Alasdair says. "They don't trust any of us worth shit right now. We have as much influence over them as an egg has over a rock." Owen raises an eyebrow, and Alasdair hushes him before he can speak. "I know it's a weird comparison but Arthur did wake us all up at three AM, so consider that I'm not exactly awake yet."

Owen sighs. "It might be a decent plan with work, but the girls will know what we're up too in a flash."

Suddenly a new voice rises from the door.

"Not if I ask them!"

All four brothers spin to see Scarlet there, grinning like a loon. Arthur sputters. "What are you doing awake?!"

"You removed the Welsh furnace from my bed. I got cold and woke up to go find him." Alasdair whirled towards Owen, who just shook his head while Scarlet walked over and all but slipped into his lap, curling up to him. "Ali, stop glaring at him. You want revenge, you have to deal with this."

"I've got a spare kilt that will keep you warm." Scotland hisses, and Patrick shakes his head. Alasdair and Owen get along just fine until the moment Scarlet becomes involved.

Arthur interrupts. "How will you do it?"

"Easy peasy.” Scarlet says, chuckling. “Girl's night out. I drag them out for dinner or shopping and then a pub run. Done it a dozen times before. One of you lads will just have to come fetch the shopping before we get too drunk, and keep away. I get all the footage you need, and send it off, and boom, we have blackmail."

Patrick raises an eyebrow. "And why are you so desperate to help us?"

Scarlet glances at him. "You do remember I was with you all when we got in trouble last time? I've got just as much to benefit from as you do from blackmail.”

“But why would they trust you?” Arthur asked.

“See, I have the advantage of being their sister, rather than their brother.” Scarlet said. “Basically, I get back into their good graces faster than you boys. Give it another week and a half, and I’ll have your revenge ready for you.” Scarlet said, and Owen put his chin over her shoulder. “Also, you’ll give me a chance to get a few good songs ready for the girls, so you’ll have successfully embarrassing blackmail.”

Alasdair was still shooting daggers to Owen, who wrapped his arms around Scarlet possessively, knowing that her twin was watching them. Arthur and Patrick quickly saw that this was heading towards disaster, shared a glance, and then Patrick spoke.

“It’s an excellent plan, Scar. Vonnie won’t get drunk enough for us to embarrass her, but she’ll enjoy it well enough! Meanwhile, Elaine and Alice will be bright red.”

Scarlet giggled. “I won’t mind seeing Alice humbled. I doubt Elaine will do anything that noteworthy, though. But at least we’ll have our revenge.”

“Alright. We’re done here. Scarlet, Owen, why don’t you head back first?”

“I’ll go with them.” Alasdair started, but Patrick stopped him.

“No you won’t. Not until the rest of us are back in. I don’t care if you want to start a fight with Owen at three AM, but if our sisters catch the five of us out of bed at this hour together, we might as well give up any plans of revenge right away.”

Owen shot Patrick a thankful look. Scarlet stood up, her nightshirt falling to her knees as she took Owen’s hand and lead him from the room. Patrick knew that soon enough they’d have locked themselves in Scarlet’s room to wait out Alasdair’s wailing and whining, and probably have…  _ fun _ … in order to taunt the Scotsman.

Patrick was just glad he’d packed earmuffs for the trip this time.

Arthur left next, and Patrick waited, and then took off for his own room.

Less than five minutes later, he heard shouting.

“Scar! Open your bloody door! I know that Welsh bastard’s in there!”

And then he heard his other sisters groaning, including a loud proclamation from his own twin.

“For fuck’s sake, Alasdair, IT IS THREE FIFTEEN IN THE BLOODY MORNING AND THEY ARE CONSENTING ADULTS! THEY HAD A FUCKING KID AND HE’S A GROWN ASS ADULT NOW!”

Patrick just hummed as he slid the earmuffs over his head and drifted back off to sleep.

***

Scarlet had almost forgotten her mission in all her joy to just have a girl’s night out. They had went shopping and had dinner. Bridget had come with them for all the sober fun. Then they watched a movie, and Siobhan glanced at the yawning Norn twin.

“Time for someone’s dad to come pick up them and the shopping.” Siobhan said.

“Aw, but mom…”

“You aren’t legal to go drinking yet, my dear.” Elaine said, touching up her makeup in the bathroom they were currently standing in.

“Bullshit. I’m in my nineties-” Alice slapped a hand over her mouth, and Siobhan almost shot daggers from her eyes.

“Yes, but you look fourteen to most of the outside world, dear one.” Elaine said, barely perturbed. “Therefore, you and Brendan only get to drink when we’re at home.”

Scarlet chuckled. “Besides, I bet it’ll be fun at home tonight.”

“Oh whee. Brendan’s probably getting ready for bed, and dad will be planning to get tipsy. Uncle Alasdair and Arthur ready to tear out each other’s throats, and Uncle Owen will be asleep.” Bridget said, irritated.

There was a short laugh from the older girls of the British Isles, and then they gathered up their bags.

Patrick showed up with the car, and the shopping was loaded in while Bridget took the passenger seat.

Everything was going smoothly.

Until Alice turned.

“Alright, Scarlet, hand over the phone.”

Scarlet paused. “Wait, what?”

Elaine giggled. “We all saw the results from the last time you went drinking with a phone in hand. So hand it over to Pat and Bridget for safekeeping.”

“But it’s my phone!” Scarlet said, keeping her hand wrapped protectively around it.

Siobhan stepped over and pried it from her fingers. She could see Patrick looking at her with concern, worried their plans for revenge would die before they even began. Siobhan walked back over to the car, and Bridget took the phone from her with a nod.

Scarlet groaned. She hadn’t expected that. Apparently, she was still in the doghouse, as much as the brothers. She felt hope slipping away.

Patrick and Bridget left, and Scarlet sighed. Elaine and Alice walked a little way ahead of her and Siobhan, giggling as they were prone to do. Elaine was normally the only one who could get a laugh out of the youngest sister.

Scarlet suddenly felt a weight in her hand, Siobhan pressing something into her hand.

“Changed the passcode to 0317 for you. Just think St. Paddy’s Day, and you’ll be able to film us. But I get final say on what gets sent to the boys and what doesn’t.”

Scarlet turned with a grin. “How’d you know?”

“Do you think my twin can keep a secret from me? I just know these things. Besides, if we pull this off, the boys will regret tonight just as much as they regretted the other night.”

***

Patrick seemed nervous as he got home, and then Bridget went over to the computer and plugged a phone into the charger.

Alasdair groaned, recognizing the phone that had gotten them all in this position already.

After Bridget had said goodnight, Patrick tiredly explained as the other three brothers gathered in the living room.

“So our plot is doomed before it even begins…” Arthur muttered, disappointed.

“So it seems-” Alasdair said, until he heard Owen’s phone singing.

Owen pulled it out, and then opened it up. The message said Siobhan, but there was a selfie of Scarlet grinning at them all.

_ Scarlet here: Siobhan’s in on it now. We’re still in business, gents. _

Patrick snorted. “Ah, trust Vonnie to have our backs. We all already knew we wouldn’t be getting blackmail on her.”

The younger three brothers all grinned, but Patrick suspected Siobhan was scheming something with Scarlet now…

He was just glad he was much more mentally prepared for it than this lot in front of him was.

***

It was about four hours later that the videos arrived on Owen’s phone, with a message.  _ Crashing in a hotel tonight. See you all in the morning. _

Owen took the chair in front of the screen, plugging in his phone and setting up the videos to play.

The first one had obviously been filmed by Siobhan, and quite sneakily. Scarlet was grinning, a whisky glass in hand. They were at a pub obviously frequented by women more than men, and so she began her song while a few women in the background watched with laughter. Obviously it hadn’t been her first performance. And so she started.

_ “There once was a sailor from France, who cheerfully naked would dance! He’d say ‘I’m free and easy, but it’s rather breezy!’ Little Sailor, put on your pants! Oh la la! Little sailor, put on your pants!” _

Every single brother turned in unison to look at the one in the chair. Alasdair was struggling to hold back a laugh as Owen stared, completely unmoving at the screen. Arthur tried not to giggle as Patrick laughed. “I didn’t think she’d ever picked up on that song from us, but there she goes!”

Owen said nothing as Scarlet continued.

_ “Sometimes he’d pose a manly stance, not at all like a Gothic romance! He’d wiggle below ‘Where’d the escargot go?’ Little sailor, put on your pants! Oh la la! Little sailor, put on your pants!” _

“We’re never sending this to France.” Owen finally managed. Alasdair was trying not to laugh. Owen’s jealously about Scarlet almost never flared up, considering they’d been together for so long, but when it came to Francis, well… He still raised up his hackles quite a bit.

_ “All round the main mast, he’d prance, sometimes taking a terrible chance! For oft-time a squid made a grab for his fid! Little sailor, put on your pants! Oh la la! Little sailor, put on your pants!” _

Patrick heard soft footsteps on the stairs behind him and chuckled. He didn’t need to see her face to know who was watching them now. He just shook his head, wondering what all the girls had planned for tonight.

_ “Oh, the sod, he would dangle his lance! Put the fish in a hypnotic trance! ‘Tie a hook to my rod and I’ll catch a fresh cod!’ Little sailor, put on your pants! Oh la la! Little sailor, put on your pants!” _

“Oh, we are one hundred percent sending this to Francis.” Alasdair said, reaching for the phone only to have Owen grab his wrist.

“I will murder you.”

It might have devolved from there, but Scarlet’s voice managed to catch Owen’s attention once more.

_ “And one time this sailor from France, he asked for a pied eye advance! And the skipper proposed ‘PLEASE SPEND IT ON CLOTHES!’ Little sailor, put on your pants! Oh la la! Little sailor, put on your pants! OH LA LA!” _

The video ended with Alice laughing. “That’s Francis, isn’t it?”

Elaine shook her head slightly, and Siobhan chuckled as she ended the video.

Owen, somehow managing to move without looking like he was moving at all, clicked play on the next video.

This one was once more filmed by Siobhan at the same bar, but a group of other women had joined in with their twins, giggling as Scarlet counted down to the song. Patrick heard footsteps moving off and wondered how long it would be before Bridget and Brendan were watching this whole glorious thing together with them.

He just prayed they’d keep quiet enough that no one else would catch them.

But then he heard Scarlet begin, and within seconds, both the crowd and all their twins had joined in.

_ “A lady doesn't speak when she knows it's not her turn _

_ A lady doesn't speak when she knows her words can burn _

_ A lady doesn't speak when her words will bring you shock _

_ A lady doesn't speak when her mouth is full of...” _

Arthur stopped at that, as did Alasdair. However, Owen, either having heard a shower rendition of this before, or just numb after the last song, just grunted, shrugging. “I guess at least Scar’s having fun.”

“But…” Arthur was staring at Elaine in shock. “Elaine is joining IN!”

Owen shrugged. “It’s a sing along. I’ll be surprised when she sings this shit on her own.”

_ “Falalalalala _

_ Now our advice to follow _

_ In summer, spring, or fall _

_ Just listen for the swallow _

_ The swallow, the swallow, the swallow, _

_ The swallow, the swallow _

_ Just listen for the swallow” _

Arthur paused. “Ever start to think you might have made a terrible mistake?”

“I left Scarlet near Owen for twenty minutes alone once and Kyle was born.” Alasdair mumbled back, low enough Owen wouldn’t hear.

_ “A lady doesn't stop when she's left a job undone _

_ A lady doesn't stop when her guest is having fun _

_ A lady doesn't stop when she knows that duty calls _

_ A lady doesn't stop if it leaves you with blue...” _

Patrick had to jibe at Owen. “So, can you inform us of if Scarlet lives by that last little line?”

For once, Owen and Alasdair seemed to agree on something Scarlet related. Alasdair almost gagged, and Owen shouted. “NOT YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS, PAT!”

Patrick laughed as he heard the Norn twins returning to the top of the stairs, ready to watch the videos together.

_ “Falalalalala _

_ Now our advice to follow _

_ In summer, spring, or fall _

_ Just listen for the swallow _

_ The swallow, the swallow, the swallow, _

_ The swallow, the swallow. _

_ Just listen for the swallow.” _

Scarlet did seem to be the ringleader, looping arms around other women, laughing as they joined in. It seemed quite a merry gathering, and he hoped they got some better blackmail in the next three videos. Although, he supposed, glancing at his three brothers, he was getting provided with quite some wonderful entertainment right now.

Siobhan sure knew how to make him grin, he supposed. He thanked God she had come over to his side. This would not only prank Alice, but fill Arthur with regret.

_ “A lady always swallows though bitter is the beer _

_ A lady always swallows though the taste may bring a tear _

_ A lady always swallows though her jaw it may be numb _

_ A lady always swallows when her mouth is full of...” _

“Do we even want to listen to the next video?” Alasdair asked, starting to look quite uncomfortable.

“Yes?” Arthur managed, quite unsure of himself there. Owen rolled his eyes.

“You should all listen to Scarlet perform this one solo, then…”

Alasdair’s eyes seemed full of rage. “AND WHERE DOES SHE DO THAT?”

“The shower.” Owen said, and Patrick laughed as he stepped between the two of them, both to prevent a murder and also laughing at the accuracy of his guess.

_ “Falalalalala _

_ Now our advice to follow _

_ In summer, spring, or fall _

_ Just listen for the swallow _

_ The swallow, the swallow, the swallow, _

_ The swallow, the swallow _

_ Just listen for the swallow _

_ The swallow, the swallow, the swallow, _

_ The swallow _

_ Just listen for the...” _

“Oh god…” Arthur managed to get out, staring at the screen.

_ “Swallow!” _ Scarlet almost yelled out over everyone else, but then she turned and looked directly at the camera, obviously aware of the filming, and winked. Alasdair lunged towards Owen again, but Patrick could be quite the brick wall when he wanted to be. Arthur cautiously moved to the other side of Owen so he could have a clear path of escape if need be.

Owen groaned slightly, and then clicked play again.

Above, on the stairs, Patrick could hear quiet giggling.

It was the same bar. Obviously, the girls weren’t getting kicked out for fights like they had when it had been them four and Scarlet.

But this time, he found that he couldn’t see Siobhan or Scarlet onscreen, until he saw a hand set down a glass of whisky. Elaine and Alice were across the table, counting off and preparing to sing.

And then, as if they had been practicing this duet for months, they began.

_ “Now this is number one, and the fun has just begun! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again! _

_ This is number two, next I’ll do you then you then you! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again!” _

Patrick felt Alasdair stop trying to shove through him, instead looking over his shoulder, desperately trying to see Owen and Arthur’s reactions to this.

_ “This is number three, and I’m starting on my knees! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again! _

_ This is number four, does that technically make me a whore? Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again!” _

Arthur appeared to have physically cast himself out of his body as he watched this song continue, as though he no longer wished to remain on this earth. Owen’s jaw had slackened somewhat, and Patrick chuckled as he realized that it would continue to lower.

_ “This is number five! IT’S ALIVE, IT’S ALIVE! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again!” _

Then Elaine seemed to stop for a moment, squinting, but Alice continued.

_ “This is number six, and I’ve got two more holes for-” _ Elaine’s hand slapped over her mouth, but moments later, Alice started up again, picking up with the main line rather than whatever she’d been about to say.

_ “Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again!” _

Elaine seemed to mutter a few things, but then joined in with the next verse.

_ “This is number seven and it’s just a piece of heaven! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again! _

_ This is number eight! I sure hope I am not late! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again!” _

“Well, possibly too late to prevent Owen from dying of shock.” Alasdair chuckled, and Patrick nodded, enjoying Owen’s jaw attempting to go even lower than it already had.

_ “This is number nine, he was sheathed, so I’m fine! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again! _

_ This is number ten, and I see two more fine men! Roll me over, lay me down, and do it again, do it again! Roll me over, in the clover, roll me over, lay me down and do it again, do it again! WHOO!” _

There was silence, and then Alasdair couldn’t hold it in. All his discomfort from earlier was gone at the slightest sign of Welsh misery, and this was more than slight. “Looks like someone’s saintly twin ain’t as much of a saint as we all thought!”

Owen just shook his head, as if he could erase what he had just watched from his memory by simply doing that. Patrick leaned forward, and clicked play on the next video.

Apparently, Siobhan had gotten up and gotten another drink, as he could see her and Elaine talking quietly, giggling in delight at whatever plan they had come up with. Meanwhile, now behind the camera, they heard Scarlet laugh.

“Aw, come on Alice! The rest of us have all done our solo songs! It’s your turn!”

Alice looked rosy cheeked, and as she stood up, there was a wobble in her movement.

“A lightweight, just like you, Art.” Alasdair teased, stepping behind the vacant-eyed Brit and slapping him on the back, bringing him back to himself. “Come on, laddie! Let’s watch.”

Patrick glanced behind him and Brendan and Bridget, looking between themselves and giggling, froze when they realized they had been caught. But he just smiled, lifting a finger to his lips, and then turning back to the screen.

Alice took one last sip of her drink, and then began.

And Owen suddenly beamed as though it were Christmas, turning in his chair to watch Alasdair the way he had been watched just moments before.

_ “A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair _

_ And you could tell by the way he walked he’d had more than his share _

_ He staggered on until he could no longer keep his feet _

_ Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street _

_ Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh _

_ He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street” _

Alasdair’s face had gone paler than normal, and Arthur just stared in horror. They all knew this song. Scarlet always serenaded Alasdair with it whenever he went anywhere in his kilt nowadays. To not know it after living in their household would have been the greater shock.

But Alice belting it out… that was new.

_ “Later on, two young and lovely girls just happened by _

_ And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye _

_ See yon sleeping Scotsman so fair and handsome built _

_ Oh, I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilts _

_ Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh _

_ Oh, I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilts” _

Owen chuckled. “I suppose that Alice would be the one curious enough to take a peek-”

“I will murder you if you ever imply that again.” Alasdair and Arthur said in unison, and then looked at each other in vague horror. But Patrick only had eyes on the screen, watching Alice for the whole next verse.

_ “They crept upon that sleeping Scotsman quiet as can be _

_ Then lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see _

_ And there behold, for them to view, beneath that Scottish skirt _

_ Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth _

_ Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh _

_ Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth” _

Alice’s eyes were distant as she sang that verse, her smile wider than Patrick had ever seen it before. Everyone saw it. Owen grinned as he turned. “Oh Alasdair, she’d really like to see what God graced you with upon your birth. As much as I’m sure you’d like to see what God graced her with-”

“I’m murdering you tomorrow.” Alasdair responded, staring at the screen. “Arthur, please remind me to murder him tomorrow.”

“Will do. Want any help?”

“Help is greatly appreciated.”

_ “They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone _

_ Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along _

_ They left behind a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow _

_ Around the bonnie spar, the Scotsman’s kilt lifting did show _

_ Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh _

_ Around the bonnie spar, the Scotsman’s kilt lifting did show” _

Owen and Patrick shared a glance, remembering the drinking competition that all of the siblings had had a few years ago, and the day after. Everyone had been searching desperately for Alice, come morning, afraid that, as much of a lightweight as her brother, something terrible had happened. About the fourth time someone checked Alasdair’s room, where the Scotsman had been sleeping like the dead (failing to beat Scarlet in drinking once more) they had noticed an odd bump in the bed.

Scarlet had pulled back the sheets to reveal Alice curled up at his side, head resting on his chest, and one of his arms under her, pulling her close. Arthur had kept the Norn pair out of the room while everyone else snapped blackmail photos, and then headed downstairs for breakfast.

About half an hour later, they’d heard a loud indignant shout from Alice, and then a massive thud as Alasdair was shoved off the bed and hit the floor like a log. They couldn’t stop their roaring laughing, even as Alice and Alasdair came flying down the stairs, aware they’d been caught by their siblings, and murder in their eyes.

They’d all had to run that day, even the Norn twins, lest they be caught by the murderous rage of either Alasdair or Alice.

_ “The Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled to the tree _

_ Behind a bush, he lifts his kilt and he gawks at what he sees _

_ And in a startled voice he says ‘I can’t believe my eyes! _

_ O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize’ _

_ Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh _

_ O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize.” _

Scarlet was cackling as Alice finished, and then another person spoke.

“I’m closing up, lasses. I think it’s time for you all to head home.”

There was drunken thanks from the sisters, and then the video clicked off.

And with that video finished, Owen and Patrick turned towards Alasdair and Arthur once more.

Alasdair seemed in a mixture of anger and shock, and then spoke. “Hey Art… you still got some arsenic around here? I think we might need to have fatal doses prepared when Alice finds out we’ve seen this.”

“I think eating batteries might be easier.” Arthur said. “Just whole batteries.”

Alasdair nodded, and then paused. “Wait… they just left the bar at the end of that… but there’s five videos. That’s just number four.”

Owen turned back to the screen, looking at the last video. “Scarlet probably sent them out of order. Alright, last video.”

The next video showed Siobhan at the bar in the background, ordering more drinks. Alice was already looking quite flushed, but Elaine was giggling.

“Since you and Von have given solos, I think it’s my turn.”

Behind the camera, they heard Scarlet’s laugh. “Alright. Go ahead, Elaine!”

Elaine cleared her throat, and Owen glanced at Patrick, obviously worried.

And in a moment, his dear twin proved that worry justified.

_ “While traveling through Spain I met a gallant captain. He liked to brag about his enormous galleon. Despite her two anchors and her long mast of wood, his big, manly ship couldn’t sail like it should.” _

Starting the chorus, she grinned, lifting her drink in invitation to the others.

_ “In every port the ship size is the notion. But here is the secret of a girl’s devotion. It’s not the size of the ship. It’s the motion of the ocean.” _

Scarlet burst into laughter, as did Alice. Elaine gave a shout, “Well, it’s TRUE!” before immediately launching into the next verse.

_ “As I explored the East I met a man in China. Who swore his famous junk was goin' to thrill ya. Contrary to his promise it was not a great ride. And like many sailors about his junk he lied.” _

Scarlet joined in with the chorus this time.

_ “In every port the ship size is the notion. But here is the secret of a girl’s devotion. It’s not the size of the ship. It’s the motion of the ocean.” _

Alasdair couldn’t even say something to Owen this time. They were all staring in shock at Elaine. Even Patrick was vaguely surprised. But, he supposed, she must have had some lovers at some point, despite her behavior sometimes even irritating Owen.

_ “In France I met a man who liked to race his schooner. Just so he could get his passenger there sooner. The size of his rigging made all the girls swoon. The trip ended early when he came in port too soon.” _

Siobhan, back at the table, set out drinks while she and Alice joined Scarlet for the chorus.

_ “In every port the ship size is the notion. But here is the secret of a girl’s devotion. It’s not the size of the ship. It’s the motion of the ocean.” _

Patrick heard the Norn twins barely holding it together as Arthur, Alasdair, and Owen all stared in complete shock at the screen, unable to process what they were hearing.

_ “For a Dutch man I fell and through Holland we did go. He wanted to show me his impressive cargo. Its size made me marvel so on his ship I rode. But in the end his pinnace just could not launch its load.” _

All the girls were giggling, making jokes, and singing, obviously loving this song and Elaine’s deviance from her normal self.

_ “In every port the ship size is the notion. But here is the secret of a girl’s devotion. It’s not the size of the ship. It’s the motion of the ocean.” _

Elaine launched into what Patrick was fairly sure was the last verse.

_ “At home in my port a sailor took me on a cruise. He didn’t look like much but I had nothing to lose. His dinghy it was teeny, but the point of our song. His motion in my ocean got me home all night long!” _

The other sisters joined in the chorus for one last time.

_ “In every port the ship size is the notion. But here is the secret of a girl’s devotion. It’s not the size of the ship-” _

But then Elaine, as much eager to prove herself the land of song as her brother was, stole the chorus from the other sisters, changing the last line

_ “-In every port the ship size is the notion. But here is the secret of a girl’s devotion! It’s not the size of the ship! It’s the motion, it’s the motion, it’s the motion of the ocean!” _

And then, raising her hand to cheer, she stumbled over backwards, and Siobhan yelped, on her feet to help her sister in a moment. Scarlet could even be heard asking after her in concern, and then the video clicked off.

There was complete silence between the four brothers, and then, from the top of the stairs-

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” Brendan shouted.

They all turned to see the Norn twins, grinning like buffoons. Bridget giggled. “Finally! I told you that they’re like that when it’s just us girls! And you-” She put a finger in the middle of his chest with a laugh. “-you wouldn’t believe me!”

Alasdair turned towards him. “Patrick, did you know they were there?!”

“Good on ya, kids!” Patrick chuckled. “How’d you enjoy the show?”

Owen spoke. “Oh god, he knew. Can we point the blame on him when Siobhan finds out?”

Arthur nodded. “Yes, we can and we will.”

“BEST THING I’VE SEEN ALL YEAR!” Brendan responded, and Bridget grinned.

“AMEN, BROTHER!”

Finally, after glares from everyone save Patrick, the twins excused themselves to head back to bed, and Patrick turned.

All three of his younger brothers stared at him, in vague mixtures of anger, shock, and horror.

And then he burst out laughing.

“Sometimes, revenge is best not served at all!” He said with a snort, and headed to bed himself.

***

Siobhan got them a taxi in the morning. Alice looked murderous as the sun cursed her, showing up in the sky only to shine directly in her face, she was sure.

Elaine, meanwhile, was a limp noodle in the backseat, and Scarlet looked at her in concern as she groaned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Just get us home…” She muttered. “I don’t want to see anyone today…”

Scarlet shook her head, glancing forward at Siobhan, who grinned. She lifted up her phone to show Scarlet three text notifications.

**_Alasdair:_ ** _ WHY DID YOU FILM HER SINGING THAT SCARLET I WANT TO DIE! _

**_Arthur:_ ** _ To be honest, I don’t even know what I was expecting… _

**_Owen:_ ** _ Scarlet, we need to talk. _

Scarlet chuckled as Siobhan pulled the phone back to herself, and Alice looked up from across the car. “What?”

“Don’t worry. Just something funny Vonnie wanted to show me.” Scarlet said with a shrug. Alice didn’t look like she completely believed them, but then the sun struck her in the face, and she had to put it aside for cussing out the ‘fucking glow orb put here solely to cause me misery’.

***

The house was almost empty as they arranged themselves around the table, save for Siobhan, who began cooking breakfast. Finally, after a while, Brendan and Bridget came down.

“Hi everyone.” Brendan said quietly, trying not to earn their ire. They all waved, and Bridget walked over to Siobhan.

“I sorted out the shopping and left the bags with their stuff in everyone’s room.”

“Thank you, Bridget.” Siobhan said, and then turned. “Any idea when your father and uncles got to bed?”

Brendan spoke. “Pretty late. They had found something interesting to watch.”

Elaine glanced up. “Football? Rugby?”

Scarlet caught the glance between the twins as Bridget spoke. “Something like that.”

Brendan tried not to laugh, and Siobhan shot her son a glare. She served them all breakfast, and then smiled. “Alright, you two. Wake up those men and make them come down here while the food’s hot.”

Brendan and Bridget paused, clearly weighing the pros and cons of fleeing the scene before the confrontation. Finally, Brendan nodded. “Yeah, sure… if we can eat breakfast in the living room!”

Siobhan nodded, unusual for her to allow it, but given the circumstances... “Sure, just make sure to clean up afterwards.”

“Thanks mom!” Bridget said, and then turned. “I get dad and Owen, you get Art and Ali!”

“Hey, not fair!” Brendan yelped, racing for the stairs with his twin.

Alice shook her head, and Siobhan distributed ibuprofen to all of them. Quickly swallowing, they hoped that soon the pain in their heads would cease.

Patrick came down first, and sat next to Scarlet. He grinned, whispering. “All those other men were horrified. But that was a great show.”

She grinned, and nodded. “Glad you enjoyed.”

“By the way… Owen’s jealous of Francis again.”

At that, she groaned. “Oh boy… gonna have to convince him he has nothing to worry about again.”

Patrick laughed. “At least that will be easy. After all-”

Elaine, having picked up on their conversation somewhat (at least the part about how Scarlet could  _ reassure _ Owen), spoke. “Please don’t make me think about that right now, Pat. I might start pulling an Alasdair whenever I see them together.”

Scarlet cackled at that, laughing loud enough to earn her Alice’s foot to her shin. She let loose a curse or two, and then Arthur appeared.

He looked vaguely uncomfortable, and Siobhan pointed to the place between Patrick and Elaine, which he swiftly took, assuming it (correctly) to be the place he would be least likely to get murdered.

Owen came next, followed by the Norn twins, who grabbed their two chairs. “Ali’s being slow getting his butt in gear, but he’s awake.” Bridget grinned.

“I’ll bring you your plates.” Siobhan said, and the kids had quickly pulled out the TV trays, talking between themselves quietly. Owen sat on Scarlet’s other side, and Siobhan on his other side.

Meaning, that when Alasdair finally graced them with his presence, only one seat was left open.

Almost looking terrified, he settled in between Siobhan and Alice, glancing at Alice in horror about every three seconds as he ate, his chair slowly migrating towards Siobhan’s over the course of the completely silent meal.

Finally, as they were finishing up, Siobhan spoke.

“So, you boys watched something last night? How was it?”

The three youngest brothers stared at their older sister in horror. Patrick responded. “It was a concert. Pretty good, if I might say so myself.”

Scarlet giggled. “Oh really? What group was it?”

Patrick leaned back slightly. “A new group. All female. Four women.”

The horrified stares turned towards Patrick, and Scarlet felt Owen grab her arm, begging her not to go there. “I’m intrigued. Tell me more!”

“Well, they sing drinking songs! I wanted to break out the booze myself and sing along.”

Elaine lifted her head, noting the tense expressions on the boys faces, save Patrick, who was sharing a maniacal grin with Siobhan and Scarlet. Her eyes widened in horror. Alice just looked confused.

“In fact, they’ve got a lass from Ireland, one from Scotland, one from England, and one from Wales!” Patrick continued. “Quite a great set of voices between the four of them!”

Alice had a sudden moment of dawning realization, and then stood up. “SCARLET AILSA MCRAE!”

“Siobhan filmed most of them!” Scarlet said with a laugh.

“BUT YOU WERE IN ON IT!”

“Of course I was! So were all the boys! They wanted revenge for Drunken Whaler!”

Alasdair had never put so much distance between himself and Alice so fast as Alice processed what Scarlet had just said. Halfway to the living room, he stopped.

Alice was quiet. Elaine glanced at Owen. “How much did you see?”

The fact that Owen didn’t meet her eyes was enough to know.”

Siobhan giggled. “Enough to regret seeking revenge!”

Alice turned to Arthur. “HOW MANY WAS I IN? WHICH ONES DID THEY SEND?”

He mumbled under his breath. “The Swallow, Roll Me Over, and… The Scotsman.”

There was a long pause, and Alasdair bolted less than three second after Alice had stood, and she took off after him.

“YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY HEARD IT, YOU BASTARD! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”

Scarlet burst into laughter, Owen looking in concern at Arthur. “I recommend hiding before she gets back.”

Arthur jumped up. “Good idea, I’ll see you all later!” He bolted from the room just as fast.

Elaine mumbled something into her cereal, and Owen blushed. “Sorry, sis, I didn’t mean to-”

“I don’t even want to hear it, Owen Cadoc Baines.” Elaine muttered, hand running up through her short hair. “I just want to never discuss that song I sang with you ever.”

“I’m good with that.” Owen managed.

The two halves of Ireland and Scarlet shared a smile, and then Brendan and Bridget came in.

“Who's up for betting if Alasdair gets skinned alive?” Brendan asked.

“Alice is gonna get him.” Bridget said.

“Nope.” Brendan said. “I have faith in Uncle Ali!”

Patrick handed Bridget a fiver. “I’m on your side, sweetheart.”

Bridget cheered, and Brendan groaned, until Scarlet handed him a five. “I expect Ali will get caught but here. I’ll be on yours.”

The twins ran off in delight, and Siobhan sighed. “You in the United Kingdom are teaching them bad habits.”

Scarlet chuckled. “They taught themselves. Come on. Let’s clean up before Alasdair gets dragged back here as fucked up as Alice can make him.”

***

Brendan and Bridget were packing to go back to Belfast when mom and Aunt Scarlet came upstairs.

Siobhan started. “We agreed to destroy the videos, kids. Even the ones of the boys. Even Drunken Whaler. So I’m going to need you to put the files on this flash drive.”

Brendan frowned. “But mom-”

“Nope. Open your computers, and transfer the files.”

Scarlet sighed as she watched them reluctantly follow orders. Siobhan nodded, and sighed. “Yeah. It was a lot of fun, but Alice is planning to murder us all, so we must appease her.”

“When are she and Alasdair finally going to bone down?” Bridget muttered, and Siobhan turned.

“What did you say?” Ireland said, danger in her voice.

“Nothing at all!” Bridget responded, and Siobhan glared, and then decided to just ignore it.

“Come on, Scarlet.”

Scarlet followed her out of the room, but stopped at the door. Something fell out from her sleeve, and she mouthed the words at them.

_ Leave this in my room before you go. _

Brendan scrambled for the flash drive on the floor, and within moments, they were pulling the videos off of it.

They found them all. Spanish Ladies, Pump Shanty, All For Me Grog, Drunken Whaler, Little Sailor Put On Your Pants, The Swallow, Roll Me Over, The Scotsman, and Motion in the Ocean. But there was a tenth video, one that showed their mother. Scarlet had titled it  _ Watch when in Belfast. _

Deciding to respect their aunt for regifting them the videos, they nodded, laughing as they made copies, leaving the flash drive under her door as they took their bags downstairs.

They found Alice at the computer with the flash drive, deleting things off of it as fast as she could. Alasdair’s eye was still swollen two days later, and Arthur looked like he was still feeling his bruises as well. Finally, Alice nodded. “All clear. Here you go, Siobhan.”

Their mom nodded, and then looked at the twins. “Are you two ready to go?”

They nodded, and waved goodbye, leaving the house.

Several hours later, after being dropped off in their little house in Belfast, they sat down and watched the video that they hadn’t yet seen.

And this time, they got to feel their jaws drop.

***

About a week later, Scarlet was curled up close to Owen when her phone rang.

“Uhhhhh…” She muttered, dismissing the call.

But then it rang again.

“Turn it off.” Owen mumbled.

“Might be important.” Scarlet responded, not even opening her eyes as she dismissed it again.

“Then don’t dismiss-” Owen began, and the phone rang again. “-it. Check who it is.”

Scarlet sighed, sitting up. She glanced at the phone. “It’s Von.”

That had Owen open his eyes. “Think she’s okay?”

“I’m about to find out…” Scarlet muttered, opening up the phone and answering the call. “Vonnie?”

“HOW DARE YOU SHOW THE KIDS THAT VIDEO! THAT WAS THE ONLY ONE I FORBID YOU FROM SENDING AND NOW THEY WON’T LOOK AT ME NORMALLY AND THEY SENT IT TO PATRICK-”

Scarlet burst into laughter as Siobhan continued at top volume and Owen groaned, sinking back into bed. “One day you’re going to get me killed…”

She grinned as the abuse continued to be shouted at her. “And I’ll make sure you die quite a happy man, Owen Baines.”

He flipped her off, stealing her pillow to muffle the shouts, and Scarlet just shook her head with a laugh. “Shoulda named me StartShit, shouldn’t they of, love?”

“Just like we should have named our son… He gets this from you.” He growled, and she just kept laughing, until, finally, tired of shouting abuse, Siobhan hung up and Scarlet crawled back under the covers, curling up to the man she loved the most in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you write a fic as a single entity like "That was fun! And now it's done, I never have to think that much about it again!"  
> And then your sister plays Motion of the Ocean and you collapse into a fit of giggles and go "Goddamnit, I gotta write a sequel to that thing because this is perfect!"  
> And so, you start the sequel, abandon it for at least nine months, and then pick it back up and FINISH THE ENTIRE THING IN LIKE THREE DAYS!  
> Motivation strikes at odd times, my friends.  
> It really does.


End file.
